Read to each other

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23 May 2025 • 8 min read

When Mari had her knee replaced, it came with a lot of benefits:

She was able to walk pain-free.
We became closer as a couple.
Our sleep habits improved.
We started reading a lot more books.

All this from a new knee? Well not directly. What happened was, as part of Mari’s recovery, I started reading to her every day. We’ve been reading daily for about tens years now. We even continue reading while on vacation.

What is it about reading out loud to someone you’re close to that brings so many benefits to you both? Well, let me fill you in on what Mari and I have discovered.

Right after the news.

What’s going on?

We’ve got a new subscriber! Welcome, Evie.
I just tried a new experiment, and brought in a talented performer to record the voiceover for my next video. It was a revelation and so much fun to hear him interpret the script. I had to keep covering my mouth to avoid destroying the take by giggling with delight. Can’t wait to start to edit this one.

“We can rebuild her. Make her stronger"

Recovering from any kind of surgery is always a bit of a trial. And after Mari got her knee replacement, she needed to practice bending it several times a day.

And that new knee did not want to bend. Mari and her leg had been through a traumatic experience. Swelling! Bruises! Stitches! Also – and here’s the really fun part – every day, internal scar tissue would form around the new joint. So not only did she have to stretch the all those inflamed muscles, tendons, and ligaments, every time she did so she was tearing the latest scar tissue off the new joint.

So Mari was not having a good time. In fact, she was having so much of not a good time, that there was little she could do to distract herself. Reading, watching TV, even listening to books on tape were too much effort.

The one thing she could do, the one distraction she had, was listening to me read to her. So I started in on the first novel in the Expanse series, Leviathan Wakes, while she spent a couple of weeks on the couch with a series of industrial strength ice packs. And we both enjoyed the experience of reading together so much we’ve kept it going ever since.

You too, can start a reading habit. It’s even easier than it sounds.

20 minutes a day to a new you

All you need is:

Someone you like, who has a spare 20-30 minutes at the same time you do.
A space you can be together. Being in the same room is optimal. Zoom/Face Time/walkie-talkies work, too.
A book you’re both interested in.

That's it in a nutshell. And here’s some additional info to get you started.

Who do you read to?

Spouses, friends, children – there are all sort of relationships you can strengthen by reading out loud together. You can read to someone you already know well, or use the time together to help develop a new relationship.

Reading out loud to someone is a low-stress, non-demanding way of being together. You can both just let the author do the talking, or you can let the book lead you into whatever kind of conversation you might want to have.

When’s a good time to read?

There’s a lot to be said for a story before bedtime. You’re already winding down, you’re both in a comfortable place, and the distractions of the day are somewhat muted for a while. And for me personally, reading to Mari before bed encouraged me to finally get into a regular sleep schedule.

If bedtime doesn’t work for you, just think outside the box(spring). Mornings and lunch are when most of us pause before or during the rigors of the day. The main thing is to pick a time when both of you feel free to take that pause. You both then form a positive scheduling reinforcement loop, each encouraging the other to keep up the habit.

Nervous about the “out loud” part?

I wasn’t used to reading out loud when I started, and was worried about sounding like a robot. Over ten years, I’ve tried a lot of approaches, and have arrived at just a few low-key techniques to keep the reading and listening fun for both of us.

Slower is better

I read at a slower cadence than normal speech. Sentences have clauses, so commas mean pauses. I don’t rush for the period, and when I get to it, I respect it. A full pause, even a breath, between sentences is OK. When I'm reading, those little pauses can feel agonizingly long in my head. But to the ear of the listener, they feel totally natural.

Accents, schmaccents

And I’ve given up on giving each character a unique voice. If you can do them, and your listener enjoys them, great. But lately, the only voices I do is enough to differentiate between characters in a scene. Smaller ones get a higher pitch. Older ones get a little “gravel.” That’s about it.

And I don’t worry about keeping the voices consistent from night to night. I asked Mari, and she said as long as the voices are consistent within each session, she never gets confused as to who’s talking.

Embrace the “live performance"

Interruptions, requests for clarification, or being asked to repeat something you just read are compliments. It means your listener is engaged. So make sure they know you’re cool with active listening.

In fact, this active component is great when you’re reading to a kid, and they want to read a book that may be a little advanced in vocabulary or subject matter. You can help them put the language and events of the book in context.

And remember, especially if you’re reading before bed, the listener falling asleep is also a compliment.

What to read

Here’s my fool-proof formula for choosing what to read:

Read what you like

That’s it. That’s all. Read what you like. Sure, this might be your chance to finally finish Daniel Deronda (I didn’t). But do you both have a hankering for wall-to-wall Miss Marple? Go for it. Did you just pick up the latest Murderbot? Me. too.

Look, I have a degree in English Literature from UC Berkeley, so I’ve done my time in the literature mines. And the one thing I learned is that so-called “genre” books (mysteries, fantasies, science fiction, etc.) are often better written and raise more interesting observations about the human condition than a large chunk of “literature.”

Don’t take my word on it. Here’s Steven Soderbergh on genre:

I’ve said, and believe, the evidence is all around us, [genre] is just such a great delivery system for whatever ideas you’re interested in. Everybody wins. For an audience who likes that genre, if you’ve been respectful of the pillars of that genre, it’s operating on this kind of superficial level, they can read it there. And then there’s all this other stuff you can pack underneath that to keep it from being single-use plastic.

Also, genre is fun. And fun is good.

💡

Non-fiction works, too. Some friends of mine set up a non-fiction habit that is worthy of its own post. More on that later.

If you stop liking, stop reading

And if you stop liking the book, stop reading it. You’re the boss of you, and the author will never know (unless you tell them, you monster).

Mari and I have a rule that either of us can pull the plug on a book that isn’t working. We try to get through at least a chapter before deciding on a new book, but after that, it needs to earn its keep. Life’s too short to be angry at a book (a lesson I learned while hate-reading Rainbow Six).